Sunday, February 10, 2013

I Want My Own Drone..Please!

I remember rocking in the crib just past my second birthday imagining flying above the trees in my neighborhood. This continued well into the asthma years. I don’t know if those were near death experiences from the crippling effects of suffocating or actual unaccompanied flights. All I remember is how good it felt and the view from above was stunning.

I was thinking how righteous it would be to have my own drone so I can check in on that pack of rooftop raccoons that fritter about at night tossing garbage in the back alley, sleeping squirrels and catch a sighting of that rarely seen crossbred Coywolf that inhabits the perimeter of our urban lives.

I would also like the capacity to drop something from the sky – maybe a strand of dried grapes on one of those ninety year old Nazi’s hiding out in the downtown core. I don’t know who they are but I’m certain there’s a Nazi locater app on my iPad.

I recently read about the ‘make your own drone’ for $200 and that sounds like my budget. I could sit at my desk and direct my ‘dronie’ hover above that guy who drives around, rings the cow bell and sharpens scissors and scare the shit out of him. I could fly it near the balcony of Jack Astor’s restaurant downtown at Yonge and Dundas and send everyone into a panic hoping they report spotting an alien force intent on stealing kegs of beer. CP24 news cycle – yes!

Most of all, I want to do my good neighbor duty and nail me a terrorist! I think I have an idea what Al Qaeda looks like. I’m sure there are a bunch holed up in Castleview long term care facility a block away. I see them going and coming – those walkers and electric chairs can’t fool me.

Truthfully, we are entering uncharted territory and I fear drones will be as commonplace as toilet tissue. This technology is about to bust loose and if we don’t legislate protections soon we could be in serious trouble.

Beyond that – I would do good deeds with mine. Maybe?

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