Friday, February 15, 2013
Conversation with a Dog
This happened only moments ago in front of Loblaw's. Big pooch was tethered to a bench at doors front. I really couldn't identify his breeding other than several fellows were in on this.
'How’s your day? I ask.
Ok so far .. A bit cold.
How long you been out here?
You want in dog minutes?
Sure.. Is that still seven times reality,
If you wish.
Dog: I see you've been across the street at Starbucks.
Yep.. Got the woman a Pikes Roast.. I'll tell her Komodo Dragon and she'll remind me never buy that crap.
You're a funny dude.. I think. Got any dogs.
What do they look like?
Far different from you. Lots of hair and handsome.
Wait a minute peckerwood.. I'm a male model.
Do you do catalog work?
Then you're not a male model.
I don't have to take this shit. Why are you hobbling?
Just getting back from doctor had X-ray on my right knee.
To much kissing ass?
No, I don't have a day job.
She thinks I have arthritis in joint.
Is she good looking.
How would I know.. I was so glad she saw me five minutes after call. In fact, ten minutes later I had X ray and ten minutes after that ultrasound.
Don't you wish you lived in America at your age?
Are you insane?
Maybe, just a bit, I want to move to Florida.. I'm suffering here - I got no fucking fur!
OK.. you think they'll insist you lay around the beach all day.
Yep, that's my style.
Why that harness around your mouth? Talk to much?
She says I complain like a pussy.... Cat!
I had my say. I was really pissed last night and didn't hold back.
It's past six and I still haven't been fed dinner and I cut a stink.
You passed stink?
Are you a space alien or something? Of course I fowled the air you snob.
What’s your issue ? The choice of meal?
I swear she fed me horse meat last night.
How would you know?
Look pal.. Don't you know science. My taste is ten times hipper than yours.
You can taste horse?
Have you ever been to the UK.. Was there last year and those burgers weren't burgers.
So what are you going to do? File a complaint with the A.S.P.C.A?
Nope. I'm going to start starring at her while she sleeps.
Isn't that a cat thing?
Yeah, but I think I can really get inside her head and creep her out.
Haven't you tried kicking the dish over?
Did that first two years, she ignores me now.
Is that her coming this way?
Anything you want me say?
Yep.. What a good looking dog I am - try to pet me and I'll snap back, maybe clip your wrist - she'll think I'm a tough guy!