Tonight my spouse proclaimed – ‘You haven’t cleaned the bathroom in 44 years – of which I responded – I’m quite humble about these things and go about without fanfare – no need to brag!
Look, I am man – I only see things in my limited field of vision. The bathroom is totally out of focus – I barely see the carpet in my office which at times looks as if the living dead come there to hibernate.
I see my computer, my Smartphone clearly – my iPad through a glaze of greasy fingerprints. I see my piano like my eyesight was 50/50 – I never miss. My rack of movies from a distance is an Adam and Eve garden of delights in fact ‘No Country for Old Men’ and ‘There Will Be Blood’ sit there like gargoyles guarding voyeur perimeter.
I have never missed target hitting the recliner spot on. I don’t complain about a thing – in fact, I’ve forgotten how to complain. I’m easy around the house. I bring you coffee in the morning, listen to your compelling news mash ups. I rarely believe you when you say the weather tomorrow will be catastrophic; I will in all likelyhood engage without warning - maybe one day to my peril.
You can try and rearrange me but no matter which parts you reassemble I will still come out oblong. I am man – garden variety – you can purchase at Home Hardware.
Forty years ago I would have ran alongside a train to just impress I’m the fastest, wrestled a land shark, beat the snot out of ten would be assailants, starred a serial killer into cuffing himself but tonight I just want to wish the pain in my right leg away. Christ sake – it’s been throbbing two weeks.
Tomorrow I will rise and let the dogs out and you will sleep. I will read the paper and you will sleep. When you rise I will have a big smile reserved for you and you will settle into the recliner warmed like angels placed soft coals underneath. All of this my love, ‘Cause I’m still, your man!