Thursday, January 24, 2013

Snoop Lion Fake Rasta!

It seems Bunny Wailer has come down from the mountain to proclaim former ‘Dog’ a fake Rasta even threatening to sue.
Look, Snoop should realize he’s over matched in this throw down.

Long ago we visited Marleyville – somewhere nestled in the glorious mountains of Jamaica. Tourism honored our request to visit the birthplace of Bob Marley. Kristine, Errol Nazareth and I Man made the breath giving bus trip to Sir Marley’s patch of rare earth.

On arrival we were dropped in a waiting centre loaded with trinkets – Bob’s wooden head, Bob’s hair pick, Bob’s last roach. While killing time Errol spots the guestbook and signs in. Suddenly, a deep voice penetrates through the roar of an overhead fan – “Did I ask you signed that?” I look up and there was this intimidating Rasta shutting us down. Errol looks at me and we bust a laugh. Look, I buy into this stuff as much as I buy into Rand Paul.

Eventually, this guy arrives calling himself Fuzzy. Fuzzy has a chunk of coke snotched on his lower right nostril. Mighty impressive!!

Off we go!

We arrive at sacred gates and are asked to remove shoes. Cool – must be a tea house or something!

Fuzzy turns and asks – ‘What does this sign say?’ We look at one other then repeat the inscription –‘Respect.” That’s right Bob was about respect.’

The next thirty minutes is filled with lubricating memories of Fuzzy and Bob writing all the hits on a guitar placed near the doorway of the family hut. “ Look out that window – Bob says to me ‘No Woman No Cry.’ Right!

Errol, Kristine and I Man are the wrong companions to bring on a trip of dubious intent. We flat out laugh to much and Errol has that look of –‘You got to be kidding’ that beams above the rim of his sporty glasses.

For a finale we lined up facing a fence with large rocks and kids begging for money. Fuzzy asks us to pause because we are now facing Zion. Nothing like a bit of commercial religion thrown in for set up.

We toured the mausoleum which had every possible trinket stuck to the casket and walls a person requires for zany remembrance.

As we begin the descent Fuzzy stops and asks if we remember the inscription on the gate which is the size of a 'Keep dog out' sign. I say 'Respect' hoping to win this round. That’s right – show Fuzzy some Respect. Fuzz then opens a top pocket and sticks in my face so I stuff a one dollar Jamaican bill of which he turns and says –''That only pay for half a Pepsi.' Errol then stuffs a second bill and one of us says 'Buy a whole one.'

The point of this post – Snoop is out of his league in Jamaica. You’re being played the moment you step off a cruise ship or plane. Kristine and I used to kill ourselves waiting at the airport catching people hair in braids – men too – carrying the big wooden fish.

I see this guy wearing flippers, funny shorts, hair braided like Bo Derek wrestling a sixty pound wood carving of the same fish which appears in all makes and sizes like Frankenberry cereal. So, I walk up and say – ‘You be the guy who bought that’. No response just business. I could tell the man had a bargain at $200 American.

There’s always the afterthought. Is this document really a valid certificate of the first wooden fish Bob caught?

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